Believe it or not, real love is supposed to be BLISSFUL. Don't believe me because you already figured out where you are in the picture below? Ha. Or maybe you did figure out where you are and you want to keep reading.
Whatever your designation, you'll want to know what you're supposed to be feeling in your relationship right now.
The way God designed love to be between humans is this:
Blissful
Self-sacrificial
Unending
Honeymoon-like
Forgiving (which means, it's not perfect, but it's perfectly forgiving)
Unbreakable
Compassionate
Like a Best Friendship
If your current relationship doesn't look or sound like this, or if you want this for yourself, keep reading!
The reason why you're interested is simple. God created human beings to want and need their own, individual soulmates:
When you find yourself desiring to be with someone (anyone), and it feels overwhelming, that's why! You were designed to want it, to feeeel it. You definitely know what it's like to be designed to do something. You were designed to eat when you're hungry, cry when you're sad, and hurt when you feel pain. You know what it's like to instinctually feel something and react. Well....
You were DESIGNED to want to be with someone!
You were DESIGNED to be HAPPY and SATISFIED and BLISSFUL
in your relationship!
It won't make sense yet what I'm about to say but...don't feel bad if you're lonely right now. You're lonely because your mind, heart and spirit are yearning for something that you're supposed to yearn for. It's natural to yearn for it. THAT'S why it's okay to be lonely right now. I'll make sense in a minute...
You're NOT lonely because you're incapable of love or incapable of holding on to a relationship. On the contrary, you ARE capable. You were DESIGNED TO HAVE ONE and HOLD ON TO ONE. You were DESIGNED FOR A HIGHER LOVE. You were designed for "THE ONE."
Think of it this way: You may already be with someone right now and STILL feel lonely. That's okay! It's just God telling you that you're missing something in your current relationship...or the RIGHT person in another one. It's all natural, all part of a plan to get you THE RIGHT ONE!!!
Your LONELY feeling is GOD'S way of USING YOUR INSTINCTS TO TELL YOU, HE'S READY TO GIVE YOU SOMEONE. THE RIGHT ONE. The one HE destined for you...NOT THE ONE YOU DESTINED FOR YOU! (That's right. Cancel your subscriptions to Match, Eharmony, and Bumble. You won't be needing them anymore.)
It isn't a coincidence that you're reading this blog. It isn't a coincidence that you're searching for a quality relationship right now. Or, you're already in a relationship right now, and you're STILL hoping for quality. EVERYTHING is planned...by God. NOTHING is by chance:
"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord.
"Plans to prosper you and not to harm you.
Plans to give you HOPE and a FUTURE."
~Jeremiah 29:11
So...I want you to:
You're lonely for a reason.
You're searching for Quality Love for a reason.
You're yearning for a HIGHER LOVE for a reason.
You're NOT TOO LATE.
You're RIGHT ON TIME.
OK?
Okay, now that I've blown your mind with REVOLUTIONARY STUFF...let's keep going.
God designed you to be with the RIGHT someone, who would help you achieve all those items on the list way above. Remember the list?:
The way God designed love to be between humans is this:
Blissful
Self-sacrificial
Unending
Honeymoon-like
Forgiving
Unbreakable
Compassionate
Like a Best Friendship
He DESPERATELY wants to give you your RIGHT someone. But FIRST, He HAS to teach you what REAL love is...so you don't MESS IT UP! Sooo, He sent you here. To me! Ha!
(Too late?? You're already messing it up, you say?! Ha!)
DO NOT DESPAIR. BROWN GIRL IS HERE TO HELP YOU.
So, DO you know what REAL LOVE is? Do you really know? I'll tell ya what. Most people don't. Most people don't know how to consistently sacrifice themselves for one another. Most people truly DON'T know how to love the way God intended us to love each other. Because of that sad fact, most people may never truly know what "real love" is. But that won't be your fate, will it?
Good!
Most people don't realize this, but God planted a list of what real love is deep in the bible. You've probably heard part of it already and didn't know what you were hearing at the time. Ever been to a wedding and someone recited a verse from the bible about love?
"I will be reading from 1Corinthians 13. Love is patient. Love is kind..."
Most readings don't make it too far past that point. But there is a list of 15 items, that, when followed, makes a recipe for a HAPPY, FULFILLING, BLISSFUL relationship/marriage. Want to hear the whole thing? Thought you would:
REAL Love is patient.
REAL Love is kind.
REAL Love is NOT jealous or boastful or proud or RUDE.
It DOES NOT demand, "Do it MY way or else."
It DOES NOT have a temper!
It keeps NO RECORD OF YOUR WRONGS. (No bringing up past mistakes...EVER!)
It DOES NOT rejoice when you mess up, but rejoices when you win.
REAL Love NEVER gives up.
REAL Love NEVER loses faith.
REAL Love is ALWAYS hopeful.
REAL Love endures through EVERY circumstance. (Every. Single. One.)
REAL Love NEVER fails you.
~1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (NLT)
Think you can handle all of that?
You'd be lying to yourself and me if you said, "Yes!" There is ABSOLUTELY no way any human being could handle doing all of that on their own. They'd have to be perfect...and NO human is perfect.
So, what in the world was the apostle, who wrote that thing THINKING?! Oh trust me, he knew it would be impossible, too...without God's help.
Humans aren't perfect. BUT GOD IS.
Folks, what I just pointed out is THE KEY! IF YOU WANT A BLISSFUL RELATIONSHIP ONE DAY, YOU HAVE GOT TO LET GOD, THE ONLY PERFECT BEING IN THIS SCENARIO, TAKE OVER YOUR LOVE LIFE! Otherwise...
you'll be doing that on and off FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. You'll either be doing it while IN a relationship or OUT of one. You'll be saying things like:
We hit a rut.
I don't know what happened. I thought we were happy.
Every marriage has its ups and downs (while you're mostly thinking of the downs).
When am I EVER going to keep a girlfriend? When am I EVER going to keep a boyfriend?
Does "The One" even exist?
It's too late. I've made my bed.
We're staying together for the kids. (that's one of my favorites.)
He's never home. She's never home.
We don't have fun anymore.
I don't think I love him anymore. I don't think I love her anymore.
AM I EVER GOING TO FIND SOMEONE? WHEN WILL IT BE MY TURN?
AM I EVER GOING TO GET MARRIED?!?!?!?!?
If I get invited to ONE MORE WEDDING...!
Folks, there's a reason why that list only exists in the bible in its entirety. God invented it. If God invented it, that means, He's the ONLY ONE that can help you achieve it.
Now is when many people start making compromises about the list:
"Yea, that list sounds nice, but it's not realistic."
"I don't think I want God in charge of my LOVE life. What does He know? Plus, I'm not religious. So..."
"Yea, I'm a SINNER, SINNER, PUMPKIN-DINNER. If I do it God's way, it's gonna be BORING! Thanks, but NO THANKS!"
(that's one of my favorites, too. ha.)
Okay, fair enough. It is a mighty big list. And I am asking you to let a pretty strict, ULTIMATE Being run your love life. I get it. I get it...
Soo...got a question for ya.
How's your way workin' out for ya?
Yep! That's what I thought. And exactly how long have you been doing it that way?
Yea...exactly.
So, you don't want to do it God's way (or you're hesitant) because He's too strict, unrealistic, and boring. But, as you think back on your life, you wonder, "Hmm...I kinda wish my mate was more forgiving, nicer, didn't cheat on me, didn't bring up my past mistakes...loved me."
So, now we've hit a bit of a conundrum. One way seems too out of reach, and the other way isn't working. What to do?!
SUCK IT UP AND DO IT GOD'S WAY!!! He knows what He's doing. He's been doing it for millennia (since before you were born), while you've been at it for what...5, 10, 20, 30 years?
Okay, still need some convincing. Let me show you what a BLISSFULL, Godly relationship/marriage is like. I'll paint the picture for ya:
So, you're married. You made it to the pinnacle of relationship statuses. You wake up in the morning, roll over, and find your soulmate sleeping soundly on the other side of the bed. They stayed up late the night before cooking you dinner, and they were exhausted by the end of the night. You don't want to wake them up because you want them to get some good sleep. (They look so peaceful over there.)
So, you slip out of bed, get down to the kitchen, and start cleaning up the mess from last night. Oh, what a great night it was. You came home and the first thing you heard was, "Hey, hunny, how was your day?" Next thing you know, you're getting a big kiss on the lips in a warm greeting. The hug was exactly what you needed after a long day. She/he rubbed your hair and massaged your neck as you relayed a quick story about what happened at work...right there at the door. You hadn't even put your stuff down yet! Your soulmate playfully rolled their eyes and said, "Oh, that again!" Their smile warmed you up, and you immediately forgot your troubles.
Guess what. They knew you might come home exhausted. So, dinner was already made and ready to eat by the time you got home. The wonderful aromas greeted you at the door before your soulmate did. You sat down together and talked about each other's days. There were smiles and laughter, some jokes, and some kisses snuck in-between bites. Finally, it was time for bed because it was Monday night, and you both had work in the morning. You told your soulmate, "No, don't you dare touch that kitchen to clean up tonight. You've done enough. I've got a better idea." You gave them a playful look, took them by the hand, and lead them upstairs. It was couple's shower time! Ooh! La! La!
The look of astonishment on their face was amazing. They were NOT expecting that! But you were so grateful they cooked a whole meal, while tired from their own long day, that you decided you both needed a nice break together. Soon after the shower, you both hit the sack...happy, satiated, and grateful for each other. You were deep in the knowledge that your relationship was waaay more blessed than most that you know...
Folks, THAT'S what a Godly relationship looks and feels like:
Self-sacrifice
Patience
Kindness
Endurance/Understanding
Never failing
Not rude
Hopeful
Compassionate
Faithful
THAT'S WHAT REAL LOVE LOOKS AND FEELS LIKE!
Do you want that for yourself? Do you want that night above to be yours? Okay, then! Follow me into the next room of understanding...
God seems boring to you because you don't understand Him. Quite frankly, you don't know Him. All you know is what you grew up being told and what you've seen on TV. Admit it.
That list seems impossible to you because you can't do it on your own. That scenario probably sounded unrealistic to you because it sounded like a Hallmark movie, and there's no way that could be real. Right?
There IS a way to get that kind of evening for yourself one day. YOU HAVE GOT TO GIVE GOD CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE.
YEP! I SAID IT!
THERE! I SAID IT!
If you haven't ran yet...it means you're interested in my next few words:
At some point in your life, you're going to have to admit that you can't do this all on your own anymore. Life is too hard. It's got waaay too many ups and downs. You never know what's around the corner. Too many people have either disappointed or betrayed you. You're sick and tired of it. You're tired of scraping along to get by either financially, mentally, or emotionally. You're confused half the time, and you don't know why. You keep hitting bouts of depression every few years, and you don't know why. And, of course, relationships are FOREVER HARD.
Guess who ALREADY knows all of that? One guess.
This is a moment of truth. You want real love? You gotta go to the source.
THE ONE WHO INVENTED IT.
You gotta go to God. Ok, you ready?
Good! Ha.
Here, let me walk you through it step-by-step.
First thing you're going to do:
Ask God to help you. Help you with ANYTHING, ANYWHERE, AT ANYTIME.
(Time to either START or UP your game in your relationship with God, my friend.)
Second thing you're going to do:
Ask God to show you what to do next in your search for "THE ONE."
Third thing you're going to do (and this is BIG):
Tell God that if He can manage to help you, you're willing to listen.
(I think the God of the UNIVERSE can manage it. But, hey, give it a try! Ha.)
And you're done (for now)! Ha.
Trust me. Once this starts working, you're gonna want more.
What I just taught you was how to:
LET GOD INTO YOUR HEART. GIVE HIM A SEAT AT YOUR TABLE.
See? Simple. That's all God wants...just a seat at your table. He wants to be a part of your life. HE WANTS TO MAKE IT BETTER. Is that ok? You keep smackin' His hand away (you know you do) every time He tries, and then you wonder WHY you can't find your perfect mate.
I've got a secret for you.
God has your perfect mate alllll lined up for you. He custom-made them for you, and planned how you two would meet from BEFORE time. Remember this?:
"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord.
"Plans to prosper you and not to harm you.
Plans to give you HOPE and a FUTURE."
~Jeremiah 29:11
and this:
As you can see, God's been planning YOUR perfect someone ALL along. So, why don't you give His way a try? Huh?
He doesn't bite. He may flood the Earth, send His Son down to save you, and meddle in your life from time to time...But He doesn't bite. Ha!
Most people don't know this about God (because most people don't really get to know Him), but God is a ROMANTIC! Yea, I'm not kidding you! C'mon, think about it! He set up the first couple (Adam+Eve) in a beautiful garden, NAKED, with nothing but time and fun on their minds. Their only jobs were to name animals, eat, sleep, discover things, have fun, and obey. THAT'S IT! Tell me that's not a ROMANTIC GOD!
Ha! Made ya laugh.
Give Him a try, would ya? What do you have to lose? More lonely nights? A relationship you can't stand? Confusion? Fear? Sounds like you've got tons of stuff you need to lose. Here, let me help you along. I've got some resources that can help center your mind in preparation for The One.
First up:
The preview to my upcoming podcast posted on the BGW Instagram page: LOVE OR LUST: CAN YOU TELL THE DIFFERENCE?
Read the caption before you watch!
It was a LIVE show, and Verizon WAS NOT my friend that day as I shot it on a mountaintop! The image gets fuzzy at times, but my voice is JUST fine. Ha.
Enjoy!
Second up:
My blog on giving God control of your life. You're gonna need this in order to proceed...on ANYTHING in life. "God, Why?" A Blog About Giving Up Control
I TRULY pray that God brings you The One. One day, I want you to say that you are on the mountaintop with your relationship, not the valley or the middle of nowhere. I want you to one day look around and see how blessed God made your love life...your life. I want you to be happy. And you will be, in time, with God's help.
Take care and God bless always.
~From Brown Girl In The World
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